I have been so bored lately that I couldn’t stop consuming fat. This holocaust has taken up most of my idle moments, say, at work while procrastinating. My friends keep on nudging me with the skype hype, the latest stiletto bonanza in Beirut Complex, the Disney flick UP, etc. etc. etc., but I leaned towards food…and food’s byproduct which is (excuse me) poop. And I’m with it now, gearing me up with an indescribable sensation only I could decipher. So before my father shows up with his “Fee, fi, fo, fum, I smell the stench of a wandering potty. Be she constipated, or be she doomed, I’ll grind her bones before her stool!”, here is the story. The biography of doo-doos. 
It ... is Chuchay
The man peered at me from behind his window shield, shoving a bundle of dinars from out of his window towards me.
“Hey, Filibini (Filipina),” he twitted. “Can you handle this?”
I took a sideway glance, the evening breeze brushes like flat iron on my cheeks; this man sure needs a flat. Casual conversations are useful when necessary, but the instance I went gaga over the thought of some bozo offering me currency in exchange for one delicious spanking, I’d like to be tempted.
He insisted and with fluttering eyes I acceded. His buddy, who’s seated beside him, gave me a look that makes me want to spark a match under his nose.
“Yellah! (Come on!), we haven’t got all day!” The cry sent shivers down my spine.
I haven’t had what I should call ‘a day’ either, so I approached the men’s revo, took out my camera and sneered at the dumbass all set to rip his bulging retina from out of his head.
“Is this the payment for your obituary snapshot?” I squeaked.
That’s my winning cue. The vermin who I think is in his early 20s recovered his sanity and quickly kept away his money, his tongue was suddenly caught in an invisible fox trap.
“Oh, sorry, sorry…” his face went white-washed just about the time I lifted my camera unto his face. Then they zipped into the main road in a jiffy.
So this is the way to handle cash…and cogs. It’s all a matter of give-and-take. Too bad the men lost the chance to include their profiles. That would likely earn me a space in the next day’s paper.
My guitar is my bestfriend. With it, I could just strum away my worries and boredom. I play it in my room, our living room, kitchen, balcony, and had I not joined a group of online musicians called the Gitarizta Family, a group of overseas Filipino workers who perform with their guitars on the net, my faithful six-stringed confidante and I certainly wouldn’t be heard as far as our doorsteps.
In the virtual society, hundreds of gifted musicians are heard and only through this virtual setting that the musical jargon is colossally delivered across the world without being burdened by commercial shackles. Despite rumors about how Kuwait is divorced from music and that I am unlucky enough to get a dose of raw Kuwaiti musical heritage performed live, I luckily stumbled across video clips of some of the finest local independent artists in Youtube who wear and share their passion for arts and indeed make online music their sanctuary from social confinement, where they are less slanted or ridiculed by local critics.
Gitarizta Muse 94
Young amateur Kuwaiti musicians are living proofs that Kuwait harbors pure-blooded talents more than it does cold-blooded wastas and stereotypes. Their guitars breathe Kuwait’s soul, inspiring and mending cultural divides, and spreading their rich culture with the help of their musical instruments. It’s an online collaboration of flamenco guitar and innumerable genres, like rock, acoustic, ethnic, R and B, ballad, etc. They are performed live and transported globally through the Youtube in channels like charbelnakozi and Alikingkw, almost competing with Hazar Bassam of Iraq (BBC file video March 16 2009) and Sungha Jung guitar child prodigy of Korea (Star King Korea 2008). Of course, they are not that famous compared to local and international artists, but their excellent performances show how talented they really are. They are young and vibrant and ready to serenade the world with their love songs.
Listening with genuine enthusiasm, the music of Kuwaiti acoustic guitarists is rich in distinct rendering and it has become predominantly popular among Western and Asian audiences alike. Most of their compositions are essentially patriotic and symbolic of the Arab society, with lyrics that are free-stylistic and suitable for the more liberal generation of youth. The themes convey vivid social realities; from the simple lovers’ vows to local traditions, they are weaved into a song. I have once pondered at the frightening thought that the acoustic guitar is losing its charisma by the advent of more sophisticated audio devices. But when I listened to these amateur musicians singing their hearts out with the aim of inspiring their listeners and expressing their love for music, I realized that guitarists in this part of the globe is not a myth after all.
Despite racist commentaries flung from everywhere and that there is a risk of putting their raw musical ideas in public, where they could easily be stolen, Kuwaiti musicians never stopped struggling to make themselves heard and bravely demonstrated their passion in playing their guitars to reach out to those who are willing to listen.
Songs of Kuwaiti acoustic guitarists are distinguishable in a single note. Their tunes are original and simple. Believe me, I could even relate to some of them as their lyrics are poetic and sincere. Numerous organizations have been promoting music across the country and only a countable few continue to patronize each of their own preferences in this category. But what is also distinctive of contemporary Kuwaiti songwriters and their compositions is that they are deeply attached to patriotic values and that they have their own share of modern ideals. Even though some claim that music in this part of the globe is tainted with cultural division and hostility, and is usually seen as a vehicle to social opinion and rebellion, I still think it is due time amateur musicians begin dusting off their guitar cases and grant their instruments the right to inspire future Santanas of the country, not only in the virtual scene, but in reality as well.
Image from Google.
Try a little something of the unusual and watch this summer pass by differently. Review the checklist below and start asking yourself.
Have you ever …
- caught a minute change and freak out?
- pulled a door that says push?
- climbed the left side of a ladder that asks you to keep right?
- followed another person’s footsteps without losing track?
- shouted at a deaf?
- prepared coffee on a bowl?
- tasted your pet’s food?
- payed the bus fare without riding it?
- stopped looking at yourself in the mirror?
- shared your own secrets with a stranger?
- knocked instead of use the doorbell?
- cooked free of charge for the entire neighbourhood?
- thought peace boring?
- cried wolf in the library?
- guarded the door of a bank in your wee hours?
- slept in the lavatory?
- read a plane’s instruction manual again and again?
- drank the cat’s milk?
- told people you can read their minds?
- took a bath from a faucet?
- pushed the emergency button inside the lift?
- left your shoes at the mall’s entrance?
- dropped your wallet and wait for people to pick it up and shriek ‘Theft!’?
- brushed your teeth while riding the taxi?
- shown your friends how you could read their future from an empty notebook?
- told people, ‘You are my long lost husband/wife’?
- hit your highest note from your balcony?
- talked to your boss with random topics?
- stood in the middle of a pedestrian crossing and shout ‘Stop! All of you, just stop!’?
If you haven’t done any of these and still wonder with all silliness what you’ve been missing out of life this summer, then you definitely must get one.
Published date Sunday, May 24, 2009, Filipino Panorama, Kuwait Times.
Just a few of my happy thoughts … and vicious sarcasm. lols.
More Pat en Tero strips in Komiko Pinoy.
I tag administering internet hoaxes, spam, hacks, bots and chatroom jinxes as ’the waterloo of the 21st century’. My cat would agree and for some reason think of a way to be in control of situations involving me and my PC. Most web subscribers remain passive to these so-called ‘virtual viruses’ and that an antidote would either eat up 24/7 of your lifetime handling such intricacies or simply drive you nuts.
'Owned' (Image from Google)
So I jumped out of my virtual consciousness, brushed away some temporary remedies I have at hand and magnified the cataclysmic reality of technological advancement with a few handy therapeutic terminologies I could consume to cease myself from sourgraping.
- Bootism – a practice that commonly features a certain kind of ‘ritual’ exercised under symptoms of ‘emotional crisis’. The aggressor is widely referred to as a ‘chatroom booter’ (translation: chatroom mass murderer). It is usually viewed as the brainchild of malignant depressive disorder that nurses angst. In idiomatic terms, it implies chatroom warfare’. Which reminds me of the phrase ‘total freedom’ that my mind could think of nothing else but an image of psychosis.
- Hackonomy - a branch of study pursued by deranged technologists who flanked in their STS (Science, Technology and Society course) mid-term exams due to sudden attacks of schizophrenia. It usually generates a hacker’s combat with his or her own encounter with a mistaken identity if not of his or her own existential crisis. As a result, they go off looting other people’s identity to have one.
- Micmania – a generic term for mic freezer in voice chatrooms. In contrast with voice chat addicts who simply play tug-of-war with chatroom talk buttons, micmaniacs exemplify themselves by revealing their own sour taste of oppression from freedom of speech. It could also signify a serious indication of noise phobia, wherein victims fall to the idea that they are being chased by voices from unknown realms so that they demand complete silence.
Virtual toys often create an illusion of what some would affirm as cyber-terrorism. But by disambiguating real-life scenarios lying beneath inflictions of these virtual disorders, we could go beyond the purposes of these toys to decide which is beneficial or harmful; utmost, entertaining or destructive. Yet it seems to me that promotional regulations of these toys neglect to attach important reminders that young consumers have long grown up with, that is, ‘not suitable for kids below 18′.
The co-ed seats
KUWAIT: Today, I’d like to call myself a broken recorder. Since time immemorial, I’ve been repeating my monologue on zany bus rides. And for more than one hundred and one times I’ve been squishing myself inside these buses, it’s also more than a hundred and one times I’ve been praying that some brilliant inventor has already formulated the technology of tele-transportation, where I could just pop off in mid-air and get anywhere in a snap! Take note – hell is a bus ride in Kuwait.
First stop: Ladies’ Seats. What they probably mean is two, or at least two and a half, “ladies’ seats.” More exactly, invisible “ladies’ seats.” It’s actually hard to locate where exactly these so-called “ladies’ seats” are, especially when some men seem to pretend they are “ladies,” and blissfully steal away these seats. Those stickers “For Ladies Only,” however creative they appear with drawings and all, are a waste of paper. They should be removed as they only vandalize the bus without serving their real purpose. Or else, changed into “Also Men’s Seat Sometimes When Desired.”
Outlawed law of inertia
Third stop: Unfair Fare. When the bus is overloaded, I’m reminded that the world is indeed unfair. My 150 fils could have gone to worthwhile things like a newspaper. But then, here I am, either half-seated or not seated at all, paying 150 fils but using only 5 fils from it. I should have paid 25 fils for a quarter-seat or 75 fils for a half-seat. 150 fils may not sound much to some. But when you sweat blood at work to earn and save at least a hundred and fifty fils in your pocket, these silver coins are heavier than gold coins. And for those buses with “Ladies’ Seat” on a pedestal, I’d say it’s a waste of space. That spacious elevation, if divided, is equivalent to four seats! What are those platforms for? Are they designed to elevate us women or for the male passengers to get a better view of us?
As far as I could comprehend, when one means “Public Transport” it means public service. And when you say “PUBLIC,” it means “ALL.” (Published date October 23, 2007 entitled ‘Hell is a bus ride in Kuwait’; print; Kuwait Times)
I freeze. No, actually I can’t decide on whether to get mesmerized or get stemmed in panic when I encounter men wearing beards. At a glance, it’s as if I am in the company of Santa Claus in summer or that a hermit climbed out of my old bedtime story book.
I never anticipated I would see so many beards cloning around me when I came to Kuwait. Of course, given the fact that I come from a country of mostly metro-male populace with bald chins, the whole idea is just too new and alien to me.
Image from Google
However, like hair growth, impressions on beards vary and change with time as well. Don’t fret, sadiq, I am simply looking at it with my own female eyes. I find beards as a kind of fashion engulfed in mystery at first but after a while, my innocent impressions didn’t last long, as little by little, I found myself wondering about the tales crawling behind beards and the amount of guts one would require to ‘have or to not have’ one.
I thought at first beards grow in one uniformed length and thickness. But as it turned out, they come in different styles and presentations. They range in full, sideburns, chinstrap, garibaldi, goatee (as in like a goat’s?!?), stubble, Van Dyck, verdi, neck beard and soul patch. Of course, unlike plants, these designs don’t grow as naturally as the way they are supposed to appear.
But like plants, they can also be trimmed and landscaped according to taste and convenience. Now, why haven’t I thought of that! As beards continued to surprise me, I learned that they come in different sets of attributes and value.
Beards they say, also symbolize wisdom. But I am not quite sure if that wisdom is deeply rooted in the wearer’s brain. Still, I guess that must be the beard’s intention anyway, that is, to bring wisdom to the wisdom-less. Or at least to make their owners appear wise and philosophic. The best way to determine this is by giving an IQ test to some, and not all bearded drivers right before they hit the road sign ‘Speed = Death.’
In that way, we can provide viable evidences to this claim and calibrate their common sense while speeding up their bearded existence. So this philosophy was probably more applicable in the ancient times and not in the modern-day setting of mechanical advancements. Perhaps some beards were successful in this goal too, though, I can’t imagine John Lennon still capable of writing down his ideologies with or without a beard.
At one point, I thought beards only cling on to dirty old men with insufficient daily hygiene. But that’s my mistake. There are young beards too and at instances I could sniff fresh after-shower fragrances even from the most bushy ones. I also heard how beards have been associated with sexual virility and noble stature.
Now, thinking about old men and seniority, I can easily justify old age’s compatibility with one’s rank and wealth. But sexual virility? You must be kidding! Ok, maybe in this part of the globe I might think that you are actually serious, and realized the theory is quite simple…
(NOTE: This is a re-post of some of my personal favourite quirks that I wished to share to those who’ve missed it. Full story of When Beards Grow Men in Kuwait Times.)
(Mga kakikayan, kapilyahan, kagandahan, kaseksihan, kapraningan, kadaldalan, katapangan, katarayan, kabaliwan ni nanay, ni ate, ni lola, ni Ineng at ni Inday. Tayo na at iangat natin ang bandila ng mga Pinay dito sa Kuwait. Makichika na sa inyong Ateng may ‘tama’ pero laging tama. Mahiyain ka man o bungangera, kolum niyo po ito. Mga Ate, usapang babae po ito, pero hindi exclusive, kaya kahit macho ka, read na! Samahan niyo akong halukayin na ang samu’t saring karanasan ng mga Pinay OFWs sa Kuwait. Ipadala ang inyong opinyon sa local@kuwaittimes.net.)
Dakilang manggagawa, dakilang ina, dakilang mamamayan ng Pilipinas. Siya si Ginang Zenaida S. Magno, ang may-akda ng nobelang pinamagatang “Katulong sa Pugad ng Dayuhan” (“Servants in the Nest of a Foreigner”). Isa si Ate Zenaida sa mga hinahangaan nating OFWs na nagtiyaga dito sa Kuwait upang magsilbing inspirasyon sa mga kababayan natin na nagsasakripisyo para sa pamilya sa Pilipinas. Buong sipag na naglingkod sa Kuwait sa loob ng dalawampu’t limang taon, si Ate Zenaida ay tubong Quezon at gaya ng nakararami sa atin ay may simpleng pangarap sa buhay, ang makatulong sa mga OFWs sa sariling pamamaraan at sa pamamagitan ng kanyang nobela ay naging matagumpay siya dito.
Mrs. Zenaida S. Magno, author
Pero sino si Ate Zenaida? Ano ang kanyang mga prinsipyo sa buhay bilang isang indibidwal at isang OFW? Anu-ano ang kanyang mga personal na sakripisyo para maipaabot ang kanyang mensahe sa mga OFWs? Bukas ang loob na ikinuwento sa akin ni Ate Zenaida ang sariling karanasan at mga pananaw.
Ayon kay Ate Zenaida, kinailangan niyang dumaan sa butas ng karayom para maisapubliko ang kanyang nobela, pero bukod dito, may mas mahalagang dahilan ito. “I’m not really after the money. Gusto kong ipakita na may natapos ako, na may accomplishment ako. Kahit gumastos ako,” aniya.
Isa sa mga pinagkakaabalahan ni Ate Zenaida ang pagiging isang social worker. “I have lots of charity works. Marami akong natulungan na mga Pilipino pareho nung isang buong pamilya na walang visa.”
Meron ding kakaibang pananaw si Ate Zenaida tungkol sa mga makabagong henerasyon ng mga Pinay domestic helpers. Naniniwala siya na kung papalarin ang isang nag-aaply na katulong dito sa Kuwait ay walang dudang magtatagumpay ito, lalo na kung doble-dobleng pasensya at tiyaga sa trabaho ang ipapamalas nito. Nakikita niya daw ang pagkakaiba ng mga katulong noon sa mga naninilbihan sa bahay ngayon, kung saan bago pumutok ang first Gulf War taong 1990, hindi gaanong isinasakatuparan ang division of labor sa bahay ng mga employers dito kaya’t halos lahat ng trabaho ay pasanin ng isang DH, na talaga naman daw mahirap. Sa panahon ngayon, lalo na pagkalipas ng liberation ng Kuwait mula sa mga Iraqis, bahagya na daw na naibsan ang mga responsibilidad ng isang katulong sa loob ng bahay. Para sa kanya, kailangan na lamang daw na ipakita ang sipag at katapatan sa trabaho para makamit ang respeto na hinahangad mula sa mga amo, na kanya ding naranasan noon sa loob ng labing-isang taon.
“Help yourself,” ika niya. “Kapag nagugutom sila ay magninok-ninok na lang kapag wala ang kanilang amo. Kasi iba ang lunch time ng mga Arabo, 2 to 3 o’clock kung saan gutom na tayo, di ba?”
Servants in the nest of a foreigner, Kuwait: 2007
“Minsan yung mga tira ng alaga ko kinakain ko to survive. Pero kapag may sukli na kahit 250 fils ang baon ng alaga ko ay isinasauli ko kay Madam. Basta’t dapat ipakita mo yung pagaaruga sa bata. Kapag nakita nila (amo) na mahal mo yung bata, mamahalin ka din nila,” aniya. “Marami rin akong kaibigan na nagtatagal ng halos 20 years sa mga amo nila. Kapag nakuha nila ang loob ng mga amo nila, they are really very helpful.”
Sa kabilang banda, bilang isang manunulat ay hindi daw naging madali para kay Ate Zenaida ang pagpapamahagi ng kanyang nobela. “Hindi ko ma-blame yung ibang mga Pinoy. Alam mo naman ngayon, instead na bibili sila ng libro, bibili sila ng load, di ba?” patawang kwento niya. Nakuha daw magsulat ni Ate Zenaida sa kanyang free time, at imbes na maglakwatsa ay ito ang kanyang pinagkaabalahan.
“Bihira sa mga supporters ko ay mga Pinoy. Yung mga Arabs na nakakabasa ng libro ko ay nagsasabing very easy to read ito, lalo na sa mga hindi gaanong fluent sa English. Kaya’t hindi nila maiwasang mapaiyak matapos itong basahin.”
Dahil sa kabutihang loob at buong pusong pagsuporta ni Sheikha Bibi Nasser Al-Ahmad Al-Sabah, na siyang naging sandalan ni Ate Zenaida para mabigyan ng buhay ang kanyang obra maestra na hinugot mula sa mga tunay na karanasan ng ilan sa ating mga Pinay domestic helpers dito sa Kuwait, isinilang sa pugad ng isang dayuhang bansa na tulad ng Kuwait ang kanyang nobela. Isa lamang si Ginang Zenaida Magno sa mga kumakatawan ng Filipino Literature at naway patuloy nating suportahan at ipagmalaki ang likhang Pinoy. Isa ring makata at mahusay na mangaawit, si Ate Zenaida ay hindi maikakailang isang malaking inspirasyon sa mga kababayan nating nawawalan na ng pag-asa sa isang dayuhang bayan. Higit sa lahat, ang boses ni Ate Zenaida ay boses din natin na nagpapaabot ng mga tunay na hinaing natin sa buhay, at patuloy na magbibigay aral hanggang sa mga susunod na henerasyon ng mga OFWs. Maraming salamat po, Ate Zenaida.
